Moron-text, the mobile telephone provider, has undertaken the first successful mobile phone grafting operation on a 17-year old woman.
Developed especially for women in the 15 to 30 age bracket, this new medical procedure aims to eliminate those times during the day when for some reason they may not be able to be near their mobile phones.
The procedure's inventor, Moby Fonemaste, first thought of the idea when he saw a grief stricken young lady in Bradford walking around in a complete daze looking at her palm. Taking her to one side, he found out that she had left her mobile phone at home, and that she had great difficulty walking without having something to text on. It seems she had been walking around for over 7 hours, looking expectantly at the palm of her hand to see her mobile phone.
The simple procedure, as an outpatient, grafts the phone into the arm of the user. This means that during those normal daily interruptions, such as eating, sleeping, using the toilet, having sex, being knocked down on a pedestrian crossing while texting, or even being dead (which many users have been, from the neck up, for years), users will no longer need to be away from their mobile phones for even a minute.
Fatima Widdoutbred from East Cheam was said to be ecstatic and has booked her operation next week.
She said: "Ths is fblus nws 4 me. I'm excitd. Lol. Cu later."