In a continued effort to stimulate the economy, the Chancer of the Exchequer has revealed that interest rates will more than likely become negative in the New Year.
Speaking at the Annual Wheel Tappers and Shunters Club AGM, held in a Nissan hut at RAF Leeming in Lincolnshire, the Chancer said that the economy was on track to make a full recovery, although he didn't specify when that might be, although rumours of pigs flying and Robert Mugabe receiving a Nobel Peace Prize for Economics seemed to be rife.
He went on to say that while Diana is a sweetie and shouldn't have been kicked out of X-Factor, and yes her voice did hover annoyingly at times somewhere between a Sinead O'Connor and a Kate Bush, he predicts that the bank interest rate will settle at about -3% (minus 3%) by next Easter.
He also predicted that the impact on the public of a high street devoid of Woolies may in fact have a knock-on effect on the price of buy-one-get-one-free Easter eggs.
Entertainment was by cabaret group Mike and the Economics, and the guest of honour was the late Arthur Scargill. Well he didn't arrive until after coffee was served.