E-Z cruise, the no-budget no-frills cruise company, making cheap cruises accessible to everyone, today announced a new route from anywhere in Pakistan to Mumbai, India.
Before the cruises set sail, The E-Z cruise office in Islamabad phones Indian customs and security services with details of all the passengers that have booked berths, and of any criminal or terrorist convictions they may have, and then it's full steam ahead to the Raj!
At Mumbai they're waved through customs as honoured foreign guests, although they're only allowed one large bag filled with machine guns and grenades each, but the Indians trust the visitors to keep to this without checking their luggage. Specially trained E-Z cruise tour guides then show them round the historic buildings near the Taj Mahal, and point out the sights to be seen from the large open windows there, especially the sights and people to be seen down in the streets.
After that, all the passengers change into holiday clothing, such as black head scarves, turbans and ammunition belts, and sit around for a few days drinking strong coffee with any Mujayadeen friends and relations that may drop by.
'It's excellent value for Pakistanis', an E-Z cruise spokesman said. 'For years they have been ripped off by Western airlines, in fact ripped off so badly that some had to resort to hijacking planes to get to India. Now they can sail peacefully into Mumbai, then sail through the customs there. And part of the Mumbai E-Z cruise experience will be the free communal fireworks display, as many visitors and locals - and even police and soldiers - can relax and enjoy the rockets and fires and explosions. People of all faiths, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, can take part, and can help to put Mumbai back on the world map after it changed its name from Thingy. And it's all thanks to E-Z cruise and the Indian authorities.'
But some were suggesting there might be a slight risk of trouble with the cruises, if places on them were booked by armed fanatical gunmen, but of course if their identities are known then the Indian authorities will be well prepared to deal with them, especially after warnings from the Pakistani police.
A spokesman for Maharashtra state said: 'If any terrorists arrive on the cruise ships, then of course we'll be shutting the stable door as soon as the last armed horse has bolted, then follow that with lots of highly important threats of resignations, that should help. So we wish our Pakistani friends a warm welcome to Mumbai, maybe they'll like it so much they'll make their stay a permanent one!'
E-Z cruise added: 'Now you know why it's called E-Z cruise. Our next plans are for cruises in the Red Sea, lots of Somalis have already shown interest in that one. But we might change the name there to - let's see - Piracycruise, or Easylosecargo. Or maybe not.'
The Taj Mahal is open daily from 9:00 AM to 7:00 PM, please leave your shoes and rocket launchers at the door.