Written by IainB
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Topics: Banks, Housing, mortgage

Monday, 1 December 2008

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RBS: Repossessed By Saturday

In a ray of good news during the economic crisis, RBS have stated that they will give a six month grace period to home owners defaulting on their mortgages.

"We're just jolly nice chaps," said Richard Bertram-Smythe, the man who gave his initials to the bank. "It has nothing to do with the seven hundred percent increase in mortgage defaulting coming just after laying of eighty percent of the staff who deal with mortgage defaults."

Prior to Bertram-Smythe's announcement, nobody had been worried. Nathan West, who gave his name to a rival high street bank was worried. "I think it might just be a backlog," he said. "At first I thought it was a move to get more people borrowing, which is a good thing, but now I'm not so sure."

Betram-Smythe tried to mitigate his announcement on the Money Show: "You can't stop the conspiracy theorists, they're now saying that we're doing it because we've defaulted on our own mortgages and will soon be repossessing our own high street branches if we don't do something. That's just not true. As I said, we're just jolly nice chaps."

The RBS share price has fallen to it's lowest level in seven thousand years since the mortgage disaster on the Giza Pyramids, and are now worth less than the tokens on crisp packets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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