Written by IainB
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Thursday, 27 November 2008

image for Woolworth's fold - Pick'n'mix blamed
Pick'n'Mix brings down empire

Woolworths announced today that they are set to close the doors on their three thousand stores for the last time after no buyer was found willing to take on their £350million debts.

Woolworths were one year off their centenary and have become a common sight on high streets that no other retailer would touch, and were quite often open on a Sunday, giving aimless shoppers somewhere to go in out of the way tourist towns.

After the joint chairmen, Adrian Wool and Philip Worth went on a mad spending spree with petty cash and bought a pound of pick'n'mix from one of their own stores, the terrible news emerged that there was no more money in the coffers, and they had to put most of the sweeties back. Within a week, their debts had become apparent, and the chain store that sells everything from plastic rain coats to CDs to inflatable tennis rackets (and is the last place on Earth still selling Tamogotchi) was up for sale for the princely sum of £1 (one pound).

Despite the retail space that Woolworths occupies across the country being worth in excess of £500million, and the stock contained within it worth over £10, no buyer could be found, and the stores are set to close. No more will Woolly and Worth, the sheep and sheepdog, be seen on British TVs over Christmas, and no more will people be able to buy gardening equipment and tins of chocolates in the same purchase.

The British Wool Marketing Board is said to be interested in the name, as they wish to open a chain of knitting shops called Worth Wool.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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