Cornwall County Council has blamed school teachers for its decision to close Newquay Airport for three weeks. The airport failed to get a CAA licence to operate because of perceived weaknesses in the air traffic control system.
A spokesman for the council said, "We have a target in our schools that at least 50% of pupils must get at least a grade C in GCSE air traffic control. The wishy washy, liberal, Guardian reading, tree-hugging teachers have not cooperated in this programme saying that flying was bad for the environment and other claptrap.
"As a consequence, this year, not a single pupil got above grade F in this subject. So, our plan to use school leavers to run the control tower at Newquay airport was stymied. We did have a back-up plan, but unfortunately the bloke from Poland who said he would help us out phoned this week to say that he could not make it because he had to take his dog to the vet and, anyway, with the pound plummeting against the zloty it was not really worth him coming over here. We hope to get it all sorted out by Christmas."
Michael O'Leary, boss of Ryanair, the biggest user of Newquay airport, said, "F****** useless T****. If they think that I am ever going to use that poxy airport again, they've got another think coming."