In a dramatic bid to stimulate the British economy, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, the Right Reverend Dr Lord Sutch has decided to make a decision and cut the rate of VAT to zero.
Speaking from an orange crate on the corner of Hyde Park this morning, the Chancellor said that he and the Labour Party were dedicated to getting the economy moving again in the run up to Christmas and the Olympic Games.
From midnight tonight, the VAT rate on food will be dramatically cut from no percent to zero percent. In fact, as we speak, the Chancellor is so keen he's not even going to wait until midnight and he's making the cut effective immediately. In fact he's not only cutting the VAT rate from no percent to zero percent, he's now even introducing, as this story is written, a new nil percent rate on even more food.
"This is just amazing", according to a Labour party spokesman, speaking from Phuket Beach in Thailand where he and his wife, five children, two in-laws, maid and nanny had sacrificed themselves by having to fly in mere business class, as opposed to first class, at the public's expense, to undertake a half-day's valuable research of vital national importance, as well as further research for three weeks into suntanning, sightseeing, swimming, Thai restaurants and shopping for cheap copies of Louis Vitton's overpriced rubbish.
He said that this was just what the economy needed to give a boost and more publicity to Sainscosonrosefield supermarket in the run up to their next £2million Labour Party donation.
He said he wanted the public to renew their trust in the government to do the right thing and ensure all donations went to the big Labour Party at headquarters in honour of Christmas. Quoting a Beastie Boy he said that Labour "has a right to party".