Cutting Edge Ceremonial Ribbon Separators are bracing themselves for the worst this week, fearing severe impact from the economic downturn.
CEO Ralph Snips explains; "As the failing economy continues to threaten new bridge, public works, malls and other projects I have cut our workforce 80%. The demand just isn't there. Too bad we didn't see this downturn coming".
Snips continued; "I, like many others, was giddy with business as the freewheeling spending went on unabated. There was opening after opening as new projects were raised on phantom funds and with zero money down loans. And the size of our scissors increased along with the growing, bloated and oversized budgets being ploughed into meaningless projects emblazoned with the names of lifelong politicians bringing home the bacon to this state or that".
Snips recalls wistfully, "Those were the days, I remember a 200,000 square foot Public Library and 37 acre Chile Cook Off arena we opened in Cuthbert, Tennessee using the 47 FFF model especially designed for Sen. Ted Franks".
Franks, currently awaiting trial on a 252 count corruption charge is an eight-term Tennessee senator who is running unopposed for an unprecedented ninth term. Cuthbert, population 285, is without a sewer system and 83 miles from the nearest interstate. The irrepressible Snips however, who says he wont get caught out again, has qualified for a multi million dollar government bailout package and expects he will diversify into "For Sale" and "To Let" banner and poster production in the coming months.
Wickham Chase, Staff reporter