Government officials unveiled a plan to encourage Americans to use actual currency to purchase goods and services in the near future. If not actual currency, then at least a promise to pay with money that is actually owned by the buyer.
"It's a radical new concept" said one spokesman. "People need to get used to handing actual money over for purchases, or at least using a form of payment that reflects actual funds possessed by the buyer." The government's plan is to include TV commercials, web ads and a pamphlet distributed to taxpayers entitled "So You're Going to the Poorhouse."
Hansen College in Vermont is offering courses in "Counting" and "Paying for Things" to students this year, and the response has been overwhelming. Students are saying that they "never knew this process actually existed" and look forward to using "that green paper" to get things like shoes and bologna sandwiches. One student said she was excited to look at her bank statement and see numbers that she could understand as representing "an amount of money. It was wild, like seeing Elvis or something."
Some Americans are skeptical of the new plan. Harris Horne of Coos Bay, OR wondered where all this "so called money" will come from. "We already are in debt, now we have to use money to pay for things? Where will that come from?" he asked. An unnamed co worker added "You tell 'em, Harris!"