Wichita, Kansas - In order to cash in on all the free money the Federal Reserve and U.S. Dept. of the Treasury are giving out to banks and financial services co., millions of Americans are filing articles of incorporation (many S corp.) to become banks. Figuring that is the only way the to get badly needed financial assistance from their Federal government.
"My wife is the one that came up with the idea," said Bill Anderson, 43, married 20 years, father of three children. "She's the smart one in the family."
The Anderson's financial plight is not unlike the millions of Americans that undergo the monthly tradition of sitting at the kitchen table, often late into the night trying figure out how their going to make their pay check stretch to the end of the month, struggling to make ends meet.
"While we were sitting there in the kitchen my wife, Bernadette," said Mr. Anderson. "Suddenly turns to me and says, 'You know honey, all this skimping on the food budget feeding the kids macaroni and cheese, watering down the milk and giving grandma can dog food wouldn't be necessary, if we were a bank."
Mr. Anderson did not understand at first. However, over several weeks, Bernadette patiently explained to her husband, who had only the benefit of a fifth grade public school education growing up as a child in a humble but honest rural community, on the inner workings of the Federal Reserve and international banking.
"I said to Bernadette, 'What?! The Federal government does not own the Federal Reserve. They just call it that? And it's really a privately run institution that lends money to the Federal government?' Well, that was what Bernadette learned me in just the first week so you can imagine what I know now."
After researching at their local library on how to actually go about filing articles of incorporation, the Anderson's were well on their way to opening their own bank and securing a substantial bailout in the millions of dollars from the Federal Reserve and U.S. Dept. of the Treasury.
"It wasn't so eazy [easy] as that," said Mr. Anderson. "We almost got kicked out of the place were they let you read books without chasing you off for standing around reading them too long, making you pay for them if you do. Like at the magazine rack at the local 7-Eleven store. Although, the book lady kept coming over, telling me to simmer down because I was getting a little too loud. You know, she didn't make us pay for any of the books we read. But because I kept saying, 'What?!' real loud every time Bernadette done schooled me up a bit more on business and how it's really done in America under the rules, or lack thereof, under the current administration, she was just about ready to ask us to get -- I mean leave the establishment."
Shortly after filing their articles of incorporation in Delaware and securing their bailout, William Anderson and Bernadette Smyth-Anderson received a private invitation to attend a weekend retreat at a spa hosted by AIG executives.
"All at the taxpayers expense, of course," said Mr. Anderson. "My God when are those people going to get their act together. Well, I guess that old saying is true. You know the one I'm talking about, don't you? The one about a fool something and something and his something are something. Or was it the one about absolute power corrupting something. Oh well, you know what I mean. I got to go. It's my tee time. That's spelled TEE not TEA. That's funny, because it's a play on words, a homophone. Where's Bernadette? I got to tell her."