Written by IainB
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Thursday, 6 November 2008

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Bank of England interst rate calculator

In an effort to speed up progress through the looming recession, the Bank of England are set to cut 2% off the base interest rate. Since lending began, the largest ever drop was 1.1% back in 3187 (on the Hebrew Calendar), and this cut dwarfs that.

Manny Le Street, the man in the street, had this to say: "Well, it's a two sided coin. On the one hand it will mean lower lending repayments - assuming the money grabbing banks pass it on, ha ha - and on the other foot, the money made by endowments and pension funds will drop. It's swings and elephants really."

Kirk Castle, ITV News 24 Financial Analyst (which is why you've never heard of him), thought differently. "It'll never happen," he said. "A base rate of less than 3%? Don't make me laugh, ha ha. We haven't had a base rate of less than 3% since records began, and bankers have been keeping records for a long time. They're known for it. You just try forgetting a payment on a twenty-five year loan, they'll soon be around to your house. To repossess it, probably."

A homeless man with neither a mortgage or a pension fund had this to say: "Buggrit. Gotta fiver for a cup of tea, guv? Buggrit. It's inflation init? Buggrit."

Bankers are said to be worried, in case the base rate drops into negative figures; they are not sure how to calculate the repayments for that. Nathan West, an economist for RBS said, "I knew putting Russell Brand in charge of the bank of England was a mistake. But hey! He needed a job."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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