WALL STREET, New York - The All Poe dog food company released their results for the 3rd quarter.
Third quarter earnings were up 505%. This unexpected increase is due to the economic crisis convolved with our business model. The crisis makes old people run out of money. This then triggers them to take advantage of our Eternity Plan. This plan entails the euthanasia of the pet owner and the reformulation of the Loved One into food for the pet. In this way the pet owner "Becomes one with his Best Friend", our corporate slogan.
One aspect we did not expect is the revenue stream due to "Poe Folk" taking advantage of our food as a cheap alternative diet. Also the addictive aspect of the aspartame we add to the product is helping sales. And, the aspartame increases food intake due to the storage of breakdown byproducts in fat tissue.
We plan to add even more aspartame in our future formulations - for more profit.