Wall Street came to a standstill last week when a stockbroker discovered that his pocket was full of shit.
The markets briefly closed as the ensuing panic spread to other traders fearing that they too may be full of shit.
One eyewitness said it was "mayhem".
It was eventually discovered that the shit was not, as expected, wet and squidgy but rather it was dry and crusty.
In fact the shit was millions of years old, prompting another panic as traders bid for a piece of that sweet prehistoric pooh.
Bidding reached $40 an ounce before a trader in Tokyo found a Pterodactyl snot perfectly preserved in a bowl of noodles.
Immediately interest in the shit dropped dramatically as bidding was redirected into the newer Asian snot market.
The NASDAQ was down 40,000,000 points at close of business but industry insiders have speculated that ancient shit may become a hot property again.