Written by Monkey Woods
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

image for England Fans Ashley Cole Booing Explained: Nothing To Do With Backpass
"Don't look so innocent! Who threw it?"

England football fans have been speaking on the subject of the booing Chelsea defender Ashley Cole received at their hands, during the World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan last Saturday - and it seems that the reasons for it were nothing to do with his awful backpass!

A survey conducted by the BBC on its 606 site revealed that fans were most upset about the way Cole had cheated on his lovely wife, X Factor judge, Cheryl.

Almost 84% of booers said that they were "disgusted" at Cheryl's treatment, with many adding:

"any man who cheated on a woman so shagable, must be GAY."

Others pointed to then-Arsenal-player Cole's now-infamous 'tapping-up' shenanigans.

One fan, Donny Osman, an Arsenal fan of 5 minutes, said:

"It wuz a disgrayce! Cashley, - 'cuz that's the clever, original, mickey-takin' name us Goonz came up wiv, should've bin ashaymed! Namean?"

Several fans thought Cole should never have signed for the Blues. Another Gooner, Stavros Dispicopolous, moaned:

"Iss a traitor, innit?"

Away from the capital, supporters were more inclined to boo for homophobic reasons.

Griff Buggs, from Leeds, said:

"Ar booed because, clearly, Cole is an 'omo. Simple as. Tha' dunt want 'omos playin' fer England, does tha'?"

Supporters in the Midlands were critical of Cole's, and other players', rather-too-large wage demands. Arthur Cabbage, a lifelong Aston Villa stalwart, wrote:

"How can a footballer, a man who kicks a leather ball around an area of grass for a living, earn £60,000 every seven days?"

The final word went to Tommy Muggins, himself a West Bromwich Albion follower, who said:

"I work at the local comprehensive school. I try to teach English. I have to put up with attacks, abuse, thugs chucking things at my back, disrespect, swearing, and shouting in my ear - just like a referee - but on less than £20,000 a year. Now then, you just try and tell me that it's right that a spitting, squealing, moaning footballer should earn in excess of £50,000 a week. It's totally unjustified, and a poor message for kids!"

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 1?

6 2 23 11
89 readers are online right now!

Go to top