Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 10 October 2008

image for Paris Hilton Buys Crayon Company

Expanding on her successful fashion and fragrance business ventures, Paris Hilton announced yesterday that she is buying the Crayola crayon company for its patented range of colors and existing marketing channels.

The 3.7 Billion dollar deal takes Paris Hilton's combined enterprise worth into Fortune 500 territory. "That's hot." Hilton told reporters.

Spokeswoman Sheeza Brikhouse, told the press that there are plans for two distinct product lines. One targeted at the young adult market looking for new and wild colors for nail polish and lipstick. "Like, we're all excited about some of the latest colors like Purple Pizazz, Vivid Tangerine and Hot Magenta. Other colors like Screaming Green and Macaroni and Cheese are so like, last year."

Insiders also tell reporters that a second product line is in development for kindergartners through 4th grade aged children. Packaged in their boxes of 32 or 64 crayons will be a featured tube of flavored lip gloss.

"Why shouldn't little kids look hot too?" Says Hilton. "While they are coloring their cute little books, then can pull out Wild Strawberry or Bubble Gum lip gloss and look fabulous on the spot."

Answering criticism that the product usage might be confusing for young boys, Hilton replied, "Hey it's SPF 30 too, moms will love it. Besides, it's hot."

Banking on her image and previous successes in selling everything from cheeseburgers to perfume, Hilton shrugged off naysayers and pushed forward with the corporate takeover. Confident in her ability to set trend rather than follow it, new colors being considered for the 2009 season include; Rainbow Trout Pink, Grizzly Bear Brown, and Manatee Grey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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