A brand of toothpaste which blackens and de-straightens teeth has been released.
The manufacturers say the new toothpaste has been in development for almost a year, and is being produced in response to growing demand from Americans, wishing to blend in to British society.
Due to the sheer archaic manner in which the national dental service is run, the standard of British dental hygiene is poor at best. Furthermore, given that most of the British population is so penny-pinching and miserly, almost no-one is willing to pay extra for better private treatment, instead queuing for days to get a cheaper consultation.
This has left quite a gap in the standard of dental hygiene between Britain and its American cousins. An American in London is sure to stand out from the crowd, and this is making them rather easy targets, which is worrying many, especially in the current climate.
"I'm scared to bring my family here," explained one American. "I've been living here for six months, and it just isn't safe. The Department of State has issued a warning to US citizens not to travel to the UK because it's simply so unsafe, I mean, there are terrorists everywhere!"
The man is hoping the new toothpaste can help turn his life around.
It is being sold in the UK by most retailers, and can be ordered online by US citizens wishing to travel to the UK.