Chicago Il-- A new diet drug was approved today and it is already working miracles. The drug is from Fish Pharmaceuticals and is being marketed under the name of 'Disanntry'. The new pill was approved by the Food and Drugged Administration and has the potential to remove up to 20 pounds a day!
Test results for Disanntry showed amazing results with just one pill but there are some minor side effects. Some of these include severe diarrhea, cramping, high fever, extreme thirst and death. Disanntry is mainly for the morbidly obese and is not recommended for children.
Erica McMuffin lost 880 pounds with Disanntry and would recommend the product to anyone. "I lost all this weight and now I can eat whatever I want!" said the former butterball. "There were some side effects, I had to sit on the toilet for 14 days in a row, but it was worth it." she said as she gobbled up her 10th Big Mack of the day.
Dr. Luke Spencer from General Hospital is a medical ethicist and strongly disapproves of Disanntry. "This is a pill filled with bacteria that causes dysentery, you frickin' morons! How can people be so frickin' stupid! I've never been so pissed off in my whole life. Fish Pharmaceuticals should be sued out of existence." said the irate doctor.
Fish Pharmaceuticals (FU) stock nearly doubled on news of the diet pill. Heavy advertising on daytime television including 'The View' and 'Oprah' is expected.
Free Disanntry pills were sent to Rosie O'Donnell, Michael Moore and Barbra Streisand. Fish Pharmaceuticals hopes to either find or kill a celebrity spokesperson soon for more publicity!