Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Friday, 17 October 2008

image for Virgin money introduce free on-line Wanking.
One armed bandit.

Sir Richard Branston (pickle) was on top form today when he unveiled Virgin groups newest product in an attempt to break into the seedy, competitive and extremely lucrative world of on line pornography.

Sir Richard, was led on stage wearing a dog collar and leash by American burlesque star Dita Von Tease, clad in a revealing bright red rubber Virgin Atlantic dominatrix outfit.

Ms Von Tease was dressed identically.

"I'm very proud today to announce that Virgin money is to introduce free on line wanking for all our loyal customers." said Mistress Branson.

"This is a bold and exciting venture that we are about to attempt, from November 1st, any Virgin credit card customer accessing on line pornography using our credit card will receive a free 'Paris Hilton POV movie' and a pen shaped like a cock."

An introductory offer of only 6.9% will apply for the first six months to all new customers.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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