New Yawk, NY-- Paris Hilton heard about the crisis on Wall Street and devised a plan to strengthen the fragile economy. The vixenish virtuoso has had a very busy year. She created and built the LHC early in the Spring. She won gold medals in every event at the Beijing Olympics this Summer. Now, her incredible mind powers are turning to the financial world. She will save the world from a horrendous Depression!
Not many people know Paris Hilton has an IQ in the trillions. She earned her MBA from Wharton when she still a fetus.
Paris Hilton appeared on 'Meet The Depressed' and also 'This Week With George Washington' Sunday morning to air her views to the public.
"Fiduciary responsibility will be the cornerstone of any rescue plan. Securitized bonded assets yielding to short-selling in derivatives will aggrandize the sub-prime mortgage sub-base in a pecuniary way. Liquidity of the 'puts' on capitalized low yield commodities adds assets to the money market and stock options." said the Wizard of Wall Street.
"In other words, give me $700 billion right now or you're toast." said the suddenly haughty beaming blonde.
Harry Paulson and Ben Burnake were so thrilled with Paris' help they recommended she be made Czarina of the USSA.
"It's a brave new world, just as Huxley predicted." said the sultry seductress. "Let me fix everything. Trust me. I am here to help. Give me a trillion dollars by Friday. You don't want to see me mad."