Canary Wharf - (Northern Crock Mess): Former trailer-trash jewelery retailer Gerald Ratner is poised to swoop on investment giants Goldman Sachs after the bank's share price nosedived.
Ratner, 69, famously caused the bankruptcy of his own eponymous bling business after accidentally calling his merchandise 'total crap' during a televised interview.
He has since been to a tree-hugging psychotherapy rehab and is now pronounced fit as a flea and ready to grasp the nettle, take the bull by the horns, put his shoulder to the wheel and...and...become world president of Goldman!
Asked where he was going to get the money for the $100+ billion acquisition Ratner remained rather vague.
However the UK's Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency recently said that they think they know where 99% of the missing gold from the 1983 Brinks-Matt bullion heist was buried.
The price of gold shot up yesterday and is now trading near $1,000 an ounce.