Written by Gail Farrelly
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Wednesday, 10 September 2008

image for Retirement Parties Canceled Worldwide
They get a watch, but then they want their jobs back too!

Lance Armstrong and Brett Favre aren't the only ones to unretire. Following their example, retirees all over the world are reversing their decisions and coming back to work at their old stomping grounds.

"It's ridiculous," a young worker grumbled. "We give them a dinner and a nice watch, show them the door, and the first thing you know they are back."

As a result, most places of business are simply canceling retirement parties. Exceptions may be permitted if prospective retirees present a notarized statement promising that their retirement is permanent and write one thousand times on a blackboard, "I'm gone for good." In some cases, they may also be required to sing a line of an appropriate song such as, "The Party's Over, it's time to call it a day."

Meanwhile, it's rumored that Walter Cronkite, 91, is planning a return to the anchor desk of the CBS Evening News. "He'll get better ratings than Katie Couric," one executive gleefully predicted.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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