The charismatic leader of Apple Corporation, Steve Jobs, admitted today that all units of the iPhone 3G sold worldwide are being recalled immediately.
"There have been several instances with the unit where it thermally destabilized, outwardly projected the display and propelled fragments which merged with the operator's exposed skin," said Mr. Jobs.
Our translation of Mr. Jobs' weasel words is, "The battery of almost every damn unit is exploding, shattering the LCD display and killing people with a combination of shrapnel, from the display and burning lithium oxide, from the battery."
When asked how many units have malfunctioned, Mr. Jobs replied, "511 confirmed and several hundred unconfirmed."
When asked how many fatalities there have been, Mr. Jobs replied softly, "511 confirmed and several hundred unconfirmed."
Mr. Jobs closed the meeting with the comment, "What a pisser."
Representatives from the US Army are present and are attempting to order over a million units. Lieut. Blazowkski, Army spokesman said, "The military have looking for a low-priced replacement to the old fragmentation grenade for decades. We believe this is it."
Current iPhone 3G sales are estimated to be 4.1 million units worldwide since first introduced on July 11, 2008. The expenses of the recall and at least 511 lawsuits is expected to bankrupt Apple in less than six months. The price of stock is expected to fall into the toilet within a week, even with the US Army buying a million units.