Written by Paul Bavill
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Topics: Google, nuclear

Monday, 17 January 2005

image for AOL acquires Nuclear Capability
AOL plans first strike

With the overwhelming success of the Google IPO, shareholders have been applying pressure to AOL Time Warner to bring AOL back to the top of the NASDAQ Index.

Despite all meetings being closed sessions, an inside whistleblower known as Mr. X. (although his real name is Derek Robinson of Product Planning) has leaked his suspicions of AOL's goals.

His suspicions were aroused when he was required to copy an internal memo to a "Director of Covert Operations" and "Deputy Director : Mercenary Recruitment".

Investigations of the paper trail have led to the discovery that AOL has bought the abandoned Libyan Nuclear Weapons Program.

Stolen documents display a strategy of a first strike of an approximately 15 megaton payload directly onto Google's main server installation followed by air strikes and a submarine ballistic missile launch against MSN in Seattle.

In response to this Bill Gates has dismissed the threat. To a press conference in a bunker in the Mojave desert Gates said, "Should AOL carry out this threat I can assure MSN customers there will be no more than 1 hour's downtime. We have prepared for practices like this with a ring of SDI satellites purchased from the Reagan administration. I would like to add that Microsoft does not negotiate with Rogue ISPs under the threat of Weapons of Mass Destruction".

The recent merger of Freeserve and Wanadoo was said to have generated $27 billion in new money as well as a squadron of Tornado Bombers stationed at RAF Brize Norton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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