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Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for Apple iPhone Adds 3 Speed Vibrator
Marie Ping says you can have the new iPhone in your pants without anyone noticing.

In an effort to increase sales among its female customers, Apple Inc. has introduced the new Apple iPhone Classic Touch Vibrator (CTV). In addition to all the usual iPhone features, the CTV also comes in 3 vibrating speeds for female enjoyment.

Previous versions of the iPhone would only vibrate when users had a call coming in. The new version can be set to vibrate continuously in different speeds depending on the clitoral sensitivity of the woman using the item.

"This thing practically wore me out", said iPhone CTV Beta Tester Marie Ping. "I can call my boyfriend, listen to music, send emails and get off at the same time without fumbling with a bunch of different things! It's amazing!"

iPhone spokesperson Cheri Pepper claims the item should help alleviate sexual frustration for "on the go" businesswomen who have to take extended trips away from their husbands, college students who have trouble finding "special time" and anyone in need of a quick yet fulfilling orgasm.

"Sex toys are a booming industry", Pepper stated. "Many women are afraid to purchase sex toys for fear someone will find it in her purse. However, no one questions having an iPod or an iPhone."

The sex toy industry generated over $3 billion in sales last year. iPhone sales should add another $500 million to the industry in its first year alone.

"I hope someday every woman will have an iPhone vibrating sex phone", said Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

Apple Inc. stock rose up 30% at the announcement.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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