Written by Phillip T. Stephens
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Topics: Food, Restaurants

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

image for GDI Monday's Restaurants to Launch Nationwide
GDI Monday's patron so stuffed, she will slog through work in stupor.

In an effort to expand its product offerings in a slumping economy the TGI Friday's restaurant chain is launching a new chain GDI Monday's. GDI Monday's will focus on breakfast entries, especially highly caffeinated coffees and breakfast foods overdosed with sugar and other stimulants.

Catering to workers recovering from weekend festivities, GDI Monday's motto will be: "Making Monday's suck less."

A company executive said the new restaurant idea would be a godsend to millions of workers dreading the beginning of the workweek. "We all know how quickly the feeling of TGIF gives way to the loathing of Monday and return to the grind. Our offerings will give workers something to look forward to before the beginning of another dreary day."

The company launched a test site in Arlington, Texas, to see if there was a market catering to miserable workers not wanting to think about returning to work. Within weeks the restaurant was packed up to fifteen minutes before the average workday begins.

"Two weeks ago, I hated Mondays," said one patron who asked not to be identified. "Now I go to work so wired I don't even notice when the boss is droning." Another patron said, "My mornings used to drag on, but now it's lunch time before I know it and I can head back to GDI Monday's to get through the afternoon.

GDI Monday's breakfast menu will feature items with names such as Jolt Muffins, Wake Up Waffles and Eye Opening Eggs and Bacon. Coffee will be served at double strength, triple strength and super-duper strength with up to sixteen packets of sugar. According to the Dallas-based chain's publicist, "We want people to feel so stimulated they'll forget how miserable they're about to become."

The chain will also be launching take home coffee beans with the new "GDIM" logo featuring a barely-opened eye. Pre-orders from the company website have exceeded expectation.

Company publicist explained the new restaurant philosophy: "We recognize that going back to work sucks. Hopefully GDI Monday's will make the sucking seem to go quicker so you can head out to TGI Friday's or Pick Up Stix, or any of our other chains to unwind at happy hour."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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