Written by John Breneman
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Topics: New York, Banks

Thursday, 20 May 2004

image for Capitalist piggy banks

NEW YORK -- Technology stocks continued their decline today as Wall Street reeled from an unprecedented surge of investment in companies that manufacture and distribute piggy banks.

Leading analysts interpret this as a sign that investors have finally figured out that the stock market is a gigantic sham and therefore are opting to horde their money in colorful pig-shaped receptacles made of plastic and ceramics.

"People now realize that most high-finance executives are greedy swine and that the market can no longer be counted upon to 'bring home the bacon,'" Bubba Pennington of John Hamcock Financial Services told the Humor Gazette. "They'd rather slip their hard-earned money into piggy banks than slop it into the corporate feeding trough."

Brown-chip stocks and pork futures also rose sharply, with brisk trading of Piggly Wiggly, MicroSty and Tenderloin Technologies.

But shares of AOL Time Warthog continued to plummet amid frenzied activity on the trading floor, where Wall Street brokers wallowed in discarded slips of paper while squealing like scared little capitalist piglets.

Corporate pig goes to court

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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