A former Lieutenant in the Taliban, recently released after serving five years in prison, has opened a new local eatery. The Taliban Pizza Man offers dine-in, take-out, and delivery service from it's new location on Main Street (just south of the Post Office).
Owner Rajah Saeed Muhammed describes his business as "a simple way for a simple man to earn a living and feed his family." He is out of prison after spending five years for planning terrorist attacks on non-military targets. When asked about his past, he replied that "it was an honest living, but now I have grown past that."
Items on the menu include a spicy pizza, called the Suicide Bomber. It includes pepperonni, onions, jalapenos, crushed red peppers, and green chilis and offers "an explosion of flavor in every bite." The order is brought to your table by a waiter with cardboard tubes simulating dynamite strapped to his chest.
Another popular pizza is the Raghead Special. It features extra sauce and extra cheese and is very sloppy to eat. "We give out customers extra little white napkins with this one. My children shape them into the shape of little turbans."
When asked about the concept for his business, the new owner said that "I wanted to call my place Paradise Pizza, but was unable to find 72 virgins to work as waitresses. Do you know how hard it is to find virgins of legal working age in this country?"
In conclusion, one of the cooks told this reporter that everyone should order their pizzas with extra cheese...or else.