Written by bartlebysnopes
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Thursday, 10 July 2008

image for InBev Purchases Anheuser-Busch for Pennies After an Intoxicating Offer
Done, and done.

St. Louis, MO -- Late Wednesday night, the two beer giants met in a secret meeting behind closed doors. Several weeks ago, American brewer Anheuser-Busch rejected Belgian brewer InBev's $46.3 billion offer. After InBev launched a hostile takeover plan and Anheuser-Busch threatened to sue, the two decided to meet once more before things got too ugly for the Anheuser-Busch shareholders.

On Wednesday night, InBev, the world's largest brewer, sent five representatives to St. Louis to meet with Anheuser-Busch's board of directors. This happened just shortly after the board of directors had sent out urgent messages to all shareholders to reject InBev's suggestion that the current thirteen members of the board of directors be fired. Turns out they probably should have been.

The meeting started with a few drinks and ended with possibly the biggest scam ever.

"We thought they were drinking, too," an anonymous Anheuser-Busch board of director commented on Thursday morning after the deal was announced. "Turns out they were just drinking O'Doul's while we were all slamming down Budweisers."

O'Doul's is a non-alcholic beer compared to Budweiser's 5.0% alcohol by volume content. This morning the board room was littered with almost one-hundred empty cans of the beer.

After the hours of binge drinking winded down, InBev made its offer of 75 cents. The board of directors quickly accepted with bulging eyes.

"I couldn't believe they were offering us that much," another board member commented on Thursday morning while wearing sun glasses. "Then I looked at the number again this morning and realized they had duped us. It's like we were the Indians and they were the American settlers. They've booted us out of our own land with a dirty trick."

It turns out that all thirteen members of the board read the offer incorrectly, mistakenly thinking it was for $75 billion, an offer too good to pass up. When InBev presented the offer to the drunken board members, the small piece of paper read 75.000000000c.

"We thought all those zeroes were after a comma. And we thought that c at the end was the symbol for the Euro. Turns out they were after a period and that c was for cents. A hundred zeroes still would've been 75 cents. We feel truly sorry for the shareholders."

There were many angry shareholders threatening lawsuits this morning. While lawsuits are inevitable and the sale may be overturned, for now InBev owns Anheuser-Busch for less than the price of a cold one.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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