Off-the-Wall St - (Ass Mess): "Sure, we're blaming voracious offshore carpetbaggers, money-grubbing oligarchal war-whores, assorted Axis of Evil foreign speculators and irresponsible neo-Stalinist Asian gas-guzzlers for the soaring price of crude," Dave Oxydental, editor of BigOil Shagger!, went on record today, "because we're under starters orders on this one.
"But as everyone here already knows it's the Pentagon crude dealers who are laughing all the way to the oil bank."
Today's admission by the specialist energy journal has shocked worthy Liberal hand-wringing proponents of big oil nationalisation after details emerged that the Pentagon has whoarded (sic) more oil this year than the entire OPEC official reserve capacity.
"As the nation's biggest crude users those five star generals don't give a shit about the OMFG-four-dollars-a-gallon-poor-little-me-an'-my-little-Hummer brigade whinging about filling up the tank or cutting the kids' pocketmoney," Oxydental continued.
"The whore on terra needs crude. The whore on terra needs the Pentagon. And if the entire country's going broke becasue of oil price surges it ain't gonna be the military that ends up suffering."
At the close of day sweet light crude stood at $146 a barrel "and damned well 50% undervalued, at that!"