The Glazer brothers have announced that Manchester United, the former football team, is about to be wound up.
A hornéd spokesman from the business empire calling himself simply Dev, appeared at a press conference as though by magic but actually through a trapdoor under the stage. He denied suggestions that this winding up would take the form of Malcolm Glazer donning a Chelsea shirt and singing 'Liverpool, Liverpool, Liverpool!' over the PA although come to think of it he might do that first.
It is thought that rumours concerning a takeover by Primark are about to surface, possibly even from this very source. Hard-pressed stakeholders in MUFC PLC LMAO (TM) will be asked to contribute their own souls in order to seal the deal as well as providing their own contingent of oven-ready fans and own stakes.
News of the wind-up has sent Primark shares soaring as fans cash in on the new style commemorative cheap imitation sweatshop shirt with its inspirational logo-free badge.
"The new motto 'Next!' expresses how much we value the fans' loyalty" says Dev, "We designed it like that to stay one step ahead of the fakers. When the shirt has been washed a thousand times, fans will begin to see the motto appear - it's very clever."