Sainsbury's, the well-known purveyor of groceries, electrical items, clothes and insurance, has cancelled its online shopping arm due to technical difficulties, and has offered subscribing shoppers a one-off £10 compensation payment until the service is fixed.
Bosses at the supermarket giant say the problem relates to computer software sold by their electrical wing, which has not lived up to expectations. Experts have been called in to resolve the problem.
Computer software troubleshooter, Gordon Bennet, told The Spoof:
"It's knackered. Everything has gone down. There will have to be massive reductions, and the Nectar System is in turmoil. All the points have been lost."
Sainsbury's owner, Lord Sainsbury, said in a statement on the company website:
"We are experiencing difficulties with our online shopping division. Until these are resolved, we are advising customers to seek alternate ways of doing their online shopping, such as www.tesco.com or www.asda.co.uk or, in an absolute emergency www.morrisons.co.uk. We apologise for any inconvenience caused by this unfortunate display of incompetence."
Online shopping arrangements at Sainsbury's are expected to be back to normal by Friday morning, but Mr Bennet says this is dependent upon several factors, not least of which, is his writing output.