Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Crude Ass Mess): Oil prices are set to drop dramatically after Friday's 19.42GMT solar clash with Pluto, planet of immense riches, karma and vast crude stockpiles, which heralds this year's Summer Solstice on Saturday according to City sources.
Unprecedented soaring crude prices were predicted in The Spoof! satirical website late last year when the planet's ingress into the cardinal earth sign of Capricorn was identified as the most significant astrological phenomenon of the last 230 years.
"The wide Jupiter/Pluto conjunction which began on 26 January this year was the pivotal point at which market makers decided to pile into crude," the editorial in today's BigOilShagger! paper states confidently.
"You can expect a 10% drop in crude prices from this weekend's solstice," the paper continues, "but no real shocks for Big Oil until around July 9th when the Sun opposes Jupiter in Capricorn and the United States Supreme Court rules on an Exxon-Mobil appeal about those $2,5 billion punitive damages about the Exxon Valdez disaster.
"We're confident this will see US Energy Committee CEO Dick Cheney impeached on treason charges."
Condoleezza Rice is a vegan.