SEATTLE - An extremely insensitive jerk was arrested today after he blatantly informed a female co-worker that he thought she had a nice blouse.
Ronald Thomas, 47, an accountant at a local advertising firm, was convicted of sexual harassment and sexual assault and was booked in the King County Jail to await trial.
"I was sitting at my desk minding my own business," said Charlene Morgan, 56, also an accountant at the firm. "Suddenly, Ronald walked up to my desk and smiled. I know it looked like just a smile, but being the mind-reading female that I am, I knew the smile had sexual overtones."
Morgan said that Thomas, after smiling sexually at her, said,"Gee, that's a nice blouse, Charlene."
"I was shocked," said Morgan. "I mean, here I am a professional woman, and he dares to come up to me and compliment me on my blouse! I know what he was really saying. He was saying, 'Gee, Charlene. Let's go sneak off and have sex, or otherwise I won't suggest to the boss that he give you that raise, and I'll exclude you from my circle of friends.' That's what he was saying."
The jerk, Thomas, has said other sexually suggestive things to Morgan in the past, such as telling her she had "a bright, sunny smile," informing her that he liked working with her, and harassing her with suggestions that she borrow five dollars from him so she could pay for gas to get home. On one occasion, he even shook her hand using "extremely gentle sexual pressure."
"It just got too overwhelming," said Morgan. "I tried to put up with it, but I finally reached the point where I said, no more! I don't have to take this abuse!"
If convicted, Thomas could face up to three years in prison and a $10,000 fine.
"I still don't know exactly what I did wrong," said the big asshole, Thomas. "But I hold no hard feelings, and hope Charlene the best."
City officials are charging him further for that statement as well, saying that Thomas said the word "hard" with a very slight voice inflection that indicated he might be thinking about sex. Also, wishing Morgan "the best" implied that he thought he was the best at having sex, and that she should have it with him.
"He's a sicko bastard who should have his nuts cut off," Morgan said. Then, she continued to make fun of men and their penises.