Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 May 2008

image for UK Inflation Set To Spiral Madly Out Of Control - Could Ruin Xmas, Says Office of National Statistics
Damned inflation!

Figures released today by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) suggest that much-feared inflation is set to spiral out of control, leaving many people "without a penny to scratch their arses with."

The ONS says that inflation presently stands at 3%, and, if current trends continue, it may reach 5.7% by the end of June, 8.2% by October, and 9.8% by Christmas, which would mean that many toys would stay in the shops, and many children would become disgruntled.

Thereafter, it would be anybody's guess what would happen to inflation. It could even resemble inflation in Brazil, which increases at the rate of 3000% per year, but at least spirals madly out of control with flair and silky skills.

The Bank of England governor Mervyn KIng has already written a letter to Prime Minister Gordon Brown telling him of the bad news, and that it will probably prevent him cutting interest rates any further. The governor has only had to write one such letter before, on April 16 2007!

Inflation is what happens when a large amount of air is pumped into the economy, usually with a bicycle pump, or one of those footpumps you use when the kids want the paddling pool out.

Deflation takes place when they have got tired, or fed up or sunburnt, and want to go back inside the house to get something to eat, or for a cooling iced drink.

As well as writing to Mr Brown with the news, Mr King has also sent a copy of the letter to Santa Claus to warn him against overproduction in his factories, something which is certain to cause consternation amongst elves.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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