July, 2011 - Mobil Oil Company announced today that it could no longer compete against alternative energy sources and it will be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Shares of Mobil stock closed at $0.97, down from $86.52 just three years ago.
"We are approaching the end of our days", said Mobil chairman Rex Tillerson. "Hydrogen, solar, hydroelectric and clean-burning natural fuels have succeeded in forcing us to stop importing foreign oil. I must apologize to our investors and employees".
Mobil has fallen far from it's glory days when oil topped $133.00 per barrel in 2008. The current price for oil stands at $7.87 per barrel.
"We can't give the stuff away", Tillerson continued. "Why would anyone buy oil when they can just slap up solar panels and have all their fuel, heating and electricity paid for?"
Though the oil industry continues to plummet, solar and other forms of alternative energy are thriving. Richard Feldt, President of Evergreen Solar, claims this is a victory for the human race.
"Thanks to solar and other forms of alternative energy we will rid the world of global warming and make this a productive, healthy and safe world for our children", Feldt declared. "We have faced the enemy of foreign oil and we have won!"
General Motors, Ford, Toyota and other car manufacturers cheered the bankruptcy of Mobil Oil and promised to produce only clean-burning, emissions free vehicles from now on.
"To quote a famous line from a movie, Ding Dong, the Witch is dead", said General Motors Chairman and CEO Rick Wagoner.
Exxon, Inc. claims it will also file for bankruptcy next week. Exxon has already laid off 83% of their staff.
"We will not give up!!! You Americans will pay!!!" declared Sheik Abdullah al-TarikiSheik Abdullah al-Tariki, Saudi Arabian Oil Minister to muffled laughter from the audience.