Ron Charming, manager of the HSBC (Hacked-off Sods Banking Company) bank in the Worcestershire sleepy hollow of Little Legover was today told to clear his desk because he was nice to a customer.
It seems that Mary Contrary, a customer of the branch for over 12 years, committed the heinous crime of overdrawing by 15 pence yesterday. Mr Charming, aware that her salary was due into the bank today, rather than send a £35 letter to inform her of her 15 pence overdraft, let the matter pass.
Unfortunately for Mr Charming, his divisional manager, Ms Ribble Cowe, a city suit from head office, who specialises in corporate lunches on Canary Wharf and who has difficulty in finding ways of spending her unjustifiable annual bonus, had no option but to punish him for what is, in banking terms, a corporal offence.
"Mr Charming is a bank manager of long standing, which makes this case all the more unfortunate, as he should have realised the consequences.
"Banks are no longer here to serve the public. We are here for our greedy shareholders and staff in head office only, and local bank managers are expected to find ways of making even more money for HSBC at every conceivable opportunity, even if it does piss the customer off totally and get us on the BBC Watchdog programme.
"It's a small price to pay in our endeavour for even more obscene profits. Mr Charming should also realise that after 18 years of obscene profits, HSBC has now hit a bad year because of their greed, and we have had to rely on the Government to bail us out with 50 billion quid.
"By not sending out that £35 letter, this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back, and could even take our annual profit at HSBC below £15 billion this year, which would not only be a shame, but could seriously dent my bonus."