A homeless man, who has been living on the streets for the past 25 years, has used the only money he has to buy a miniature universe which he intends to mold in his 'own image'.
Billy Bumm, 48, decided to spend the last of his family inheritance on the universe he had seen advertised in a free newspaper.
"This is my last chance to make my dear old Mom and Dad proud", said a disheveled Billy, "to rise myself up from the gutter, so to speak. Actually that is literally the truth".
So Billy filled out an application form and sent away for the 'micro-universe TM' - which arrived in the mail on Saturday.
"It's fantastic", said Billy, "first thing I did was to find a nice spot on 'mini-street TM' to sit down and beg from.
"The Mini people are sometimes very kind and give me a few cents from time to time." smiled Billy, "they take pity on me because of my incredible size.
"The women in mini World are hot", adds Billy, "but I keep squishing them with my manhood. I'm like the Ron Jeremy of this place!".
Billy deals with nuisances differently than he would in the real world:
"The 'mini-cops TM' try to move me along or even try to steal my money". Said a clearly annoyed Billy, "but I just mash 'em and stomp on them until they are mush. No one messes with Billy anymore."