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Topics: Walmart

Thursday, 10 April 2008

image for Wal-Mart Video Library Embarrasses Company
Would you pay to watch security videos of her in the dressing room?

Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer of videos, is now fighting company videos that are on the market. The new presentations show over thirty years of taped Wal-Mart executive and share holder meetings at their world headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas.

The meetings were filmed by a production company paid to record the minutes for recording and historical purposes. When Wal-Mart dropped this company two years ago, they realized that they owned a rather large, and possibly lethal, video library.

One embarrassing moment on the videos include all top executives at a meeting in drag. Company founder Sam Walton is heard telling the other vice presidents "I just hate how these panties ride up. We gotta start selling us some that don't do this or I ain't wearin' 'em anymore!"

At another meeting, the board of directors are heard to argue over what level of management is permitted to watch the recorded scenes by security cameras in women's restrooms and dressing rooms. One man insisted that he also wanted the tapes from the men's rooms and was promptly fired for being a "goddamned sissyboy."

At another meeting, plans were announced and elections held for the new head of the Northwest Arkansas Chapter of the Ku Klux Klan.

This same executive session was followed by a peeing for distance contest in the men's room. Participants stood at a urinal and begin to "take that piss." Then, they had to back up as far as they could without missing and then return to the urinal. The one who got farthest away successfully was awarded the honor of "firing the next negro manager we gotta hire to keep the feds happy."

Wal-Mart has offered $500,000 to purchase back the videos, but the company says it wants at least 15 times that much.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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