Written by Kirsty Walker

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Topics: Coffee, shortage

Friday, 5 October 2001

image for Coffee Remains Unmade As Intern Numbers Fall
Go on love, make us a brew

The National intern shortage worsened last night as new appointments fell for the third time in as many months.

The recent high profile news stories surrounding missing, dead or suicidal interns has taken it's toll on the Business world, leaving phones unanswered, letters un-typed and hundreds of thousands of executives without coffee.

"I had to order my own bagel three times last week, if it weren't for the illegal migrant workers this place would go under." So says Les Moonves, president of the CBS network which employs over 100 interns. CBS' lackluster Friday night line-up has been blamed on the shortage, as many of the actors and crew on programmes such as Walker, Texas Ranger and Survivor are produced by interns alone.

Leslie Harollson served as an intern at IBM for 12 months on leaving college and offers an insight on the falling numbers.

"Everywhere you look there's interns disappearing, having breakdowns or writing their life stories. It's just not as attractive to college students anymore, not when you get $12,000 a year on a Taco Bell trainee management scheme."

The shortage continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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