Written by Jimbo Gunn
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Thursday, 20 March 2008

image for Shares in Jesus set to dive
Will this stock bounce back?

AIM-listed Jesus is set to take a battering this weekend, as many analysts predict controlling stakeholder, Rome based Pilate, will announce transference of a major debt. "This will be a hard burden for Jesus to bear" said analyst Peter Mann, of Fischer, Mann and Co.

But he went on to say that Jesus was likely to bottom-out as early as Friday if rumours of a planned takeover by Messiah Inc. were anything to go by. "The thing this stock has shown year after year is the Phoenix-like ability to rise from the ashes" stressed Mann, his use of the tired analogy to a mythical bird excused in this instance.

Mann believes Jesus has a great product in development that will be in demand throughout the world for many years to come. But this wouldn't be the first time we've heard exaggerated claims from analysts pumping this stock. Mann still maintains that Jesus did both walk on water and invent the iPhone.

Across the floor on the main index, shares rose heavily in X-me plc, the country's largest manufacturer of wooden crosses, as did several confectionery firms; whilst shares in secure tomb manufacturer LokdIN plc were hit by worries of a major flaw in one of its best selling products.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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