Athens - At the World Philosopher's Conference, the world's smartest philospher Socrates Jones proved that people and things only exist if they can be found on Google.
"Think about it," said Jones. "Google searches 4,285,199,774 web pages. That's a whole lotta web pages. That really is. My web site has three web pages with alot of information, so 4 billion web pages must be everything in the Universe. So if you can't find someone on Google, it doesn't exist."
American philosopher Pauly Shore responded, "So I googled my ex-girlfriend and couldn't find her. So she must not exist. Boy, is that a relief that such an evil person does not exist."
This revelation has sparked a protest by many senior citizens in Florida. Protest leader Wrinkly Zeke said, "We ain't protesting because we're mad. We just want to get on the news to start existing. Please print my name in your article, boy, so Google finds me."