Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 12 March 2008

image for Wall Street rallies on news of Spitzer's resignation…Or Bernanke? Stocks expected to continue to rise…at least until Monday
Ben Bernanke or Elliot Spitzer, which one is the real cause for New York Exchange rally?

New York, New York - Stocks on the New York Exchange were unexpectedly flat today, especially when compared to yesterday's rally. Which has some stock analysts attributing the cause of the short term upward surge, not to the news of the Ben Bernanke's latest attempt to pour liquidity into the market by accepting American mortgages with negative amortization as collateral held by the Swiss and European banking industry abroad, but the news that New York Governor, Elliot Spitzer, is resigning, effective Monday.

"The unexpected mini-economic stimulus package had obviously been in the works for several months now," said Fred Gomez, Wall Street economic analyst. "And it couldn't have been more perfectly timed with the latest Fed action either."

Gomez went on to state that there is just no way a stockbroker could possibly make more money in the market right now.

"Unless they had a time machine and set it to the day before the news broke," Gomez added. "Or maybe had some juicy insider trading information."

On Wall Street, Spitzer is so disliked, because of true believer approach to pursuing and unrelentingly prosecuting them, that when news of his girl trouble hit the New York Stock Exchange, cheers went up on the floor.

"Disliked would be putting it nicely," said Paul O'Donnell, a New York stockbroker, regarding Spitzer. "In fact, that would be the understatement of the year."

Ironically, with Spitzer almost gone, already rumors are being spread around the exchange floor that some major players got wind of the investigation weeks ago and that they have been secretly buying up shares in anticipation of the news of his resignation.

"Word on the trading floor has it that everybody is worried what will happen come Monday [the day Spitzer's resignation is effective]," said O'Donnell. "But, ah... you didn't hear it from me."

"If that's true," said Gomez." That means the Spitzer news has already been built into the market… Ah, excuse me. I have to call my broker."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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