WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - In a radical move to liquefy the bankrupt and insolvent US banking system, the US Federal Reserve has begun accepting all sorts of worthless trash and crap as collateral from banks and securities dealers in exchange for new government "Sewage Backed Treasury Bonds" (SBTBs).
Banks are rushing dumpsters and tankers full of worthless crap to Washington to obtain as many of the SBTBs as possible.
"Sewage Backed Treasury Bonds are exactly what they sound like," said Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke. "They are government bonds backed up by the crap of American citizens and securities dealers. There is nothing as pure, as wholesome and high quality as the trash and sewage produced by the people and dealers of the USA."
The new SBTBs are hopefully going to save the bacon of Citibank, Bear Stearns and other bankrupt US financial institutions which have nothing but worthless crap as assets, Bernanke stated.
The Federal Reserve is accepting worthless mortgage backed securities, credit card and vehicle backed securities, all useless securitized paper and collateralized debt obligations in fact, and derivatives of all kinds, in addition to household waste and the output of sewage treatment plants across the nation.
Yet meanwhile, the pile of crap is growing every larger surrounding the Federal Reserve building in Washington as the mounds are dumped, leaving an awful stench that permeates the entire city.
Many patriotic citizens are taking the initiative to travel to Washington to take a dump on the lawns of the Federal Reserve with hopes of catching some of the SBTBs that Bernanke has been seen flinging out the windows of the Fed as their reward.
In response to the Fed initiative, US stock markets skyrocketed hundreds of points even as the appalling aroma sent residents and visitors to Washington fleeing.
--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire