Representatives from the Mars Candies Division held a press conference yesterday to announce the companies release of it's new, "Fun Size", candy bars. Our entire candy bar line will be sold in the new fun size bars. 8 fun size bars will make up one package, these packages can sold for a little as 99c on your stores shelves.
After the announcement the meeting was open to a Q&A session for reporters and candy distributors. Reporters seemed skeptical about the new product line while distributors seemed more positive about the new "fun size", marketing ploy, potential.
Hetta Granule, reporter for The San Francisco Chronicle began the questioning, "so what exactly is it that makes these bars more "FUN", than conventional size bars?
Mars Rep, we've done several focus groups and polled thousands of candy lovers, 97% of those going through the questionnaire agreed the "FUN SIZED", candies were much more "FUN", than our conventional sized bars.
Matt Convection a candy distributor from St Louis inquired, "how do we know people back east will find the new FUN SIZED bars as FUN as FUN can be. It seems to me bigger bars would be more FUN than little bars, there's more FUN for FUN to be had.
The Mars rep responded, Rest assured, our studies show people associate "little" with FUN, much more so than "big", and FUN. Funny huh.
Mars company has been in development for three years to invent a machine that rates FUN on a scale so it could be measured just how FUN, FUN can be. It has been determined that Mars new FUN SIZED candies are just about as FUN as FUN can get.
In a counter press release The Nestles company gas declared their counter release of CUTE and FUN SIZED bars to be far superior to the Mars FUN release.
A Nestles representative claimed, our CUTE and FUN SIZED bars are far superior in FUN quotient to the Mars only FUN SIZED candies, you see we've added the word CUTE to our FUN SIZE. This by far out shines FUN SIZE alone.
Well you decide, is FUN really a size or is it really just a state of mind?
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert