Washington, D.C. In an apparent suicide attempt, George Bush leaped out of a window, Tuesday. White House officials reported that he sustained only minor cuts and scratches, as he fell from a ground floor window in the West Wing of White House.
George Bush was apparently overcome with despondency, as the dollar tumbled to new lows, the Dow fell 500 points, and the nation's economy collapsed into hyper-stagflation.
With the Federal budget, finally stretched to the breaking point, due to the never-ending multi-trillion dollar War to Incite Terrorism, and as the Fed dropped interest rates to record lows, foreign governments, and global investors, began selling off US Government Bonds, turning to more lucrative investments such as the Euro, Silver, Gold, and rapidly rising commodities such as popcorn and alfalfa sprouts.
As US properties around the country went up for grabs by foreign investors, a consortium of oil-rich Iranian investors, who have agreed to bail out Merrill Lynch's $15 billion shortfall, also agreed to purchase the White House and surrounding properties.
In an inflationary environment, with the price of commodities skyrocketing, the White House staff was unable to continue to put cookies on the White House table, and provide the other basic supplies necessary to sustain ongoing White House operations.
"Its nothing personal...its not that we don't like the guy...we just don't want him hanging around," said Iranian financier Foad Ahmadinejad Akhavan.
Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing