Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: Economy, Adam Smith

Saturday, 21 June 2008

WALL STREET, USA - Although the current global economic crisis has effected investors and economies around the world, the epicenter of this financial crisis is in the US...the world's only Super-Power, and the World's Greatest Debtor Nation.

Now, economists are pointing out, that the moral depravity of this rogue nation, is having a direct impact on the vitality of its economy.

Although a difficult metric to quantify, most economists agree that many of the underlying trends witnessed in market dynamics, ultimately rest on what is known as "The Law of Karmic Consequences".

As Christians say "You reap what you sow". Hindus and Buddhists say "There are Karmic consequences to your actions" and even people who are not particularly religious usually notice that "What goes around comes around".

Adolf Hitler ultimately learned that the Law of Karmic Consequences was more powerful than his deluded plans to conquer the world.

Most people throughout the world consider the Bush administration's bombing, and occupation of Iraq, in order to steal its oil, to be an act of aggression, and one of the worst war crimes in history. The bombing of Baghdad, in which 100,000 innocent people perished, was ruffly equivalent in magnitude, to the dropping of the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima (estimated 90,000 to 140,000 deaths), yet there doesn't appear to have been any real justification for the attack, since there were no known terrorists, or Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, at the time.

Many economists attribute this May's collapse of the investment fund, Carlyle Capital, to "An act of Divine Retribution". "These are some of the most vile and disgusting people on the planet," explained one economist, who wished to remain anonymous. "They try to make obscene profits from any kind of mega-death and destruction, and have been one of the primary beneficiaries of the horror and futility of the War in Iraq and Afghanistan. It couldn't have happened to a more lovely group of people."

Now, Karmic Consequences are starting to catch up with a once-great nation, which stood silently by, while their leaders embarked on policies of aggression, brutality and barbarism.

Most economists admit the U.S is not just in a recession, but the beginnings of another Great Depression. As historians have pointed out, the Collapse of the Roman Empire was brought about by their unsustainable waves of military conquest. which ultimately sapped their economic vitality...now, too, the US has pushed itself into bankruptcy by insane levels of debt-based military spending.

These economists note, that the last period of sustained high levels of inflation in the US, was in the '70s...in the immediate aftermath of the Viet Nam War....the last war that had no purpose, except to fill the coffers of the Military-Industrial Complex, with debt-based dollars.

Meanwhile, at a press conference, Tuesday, US Vice President Dick Cheney called for immediately beginning the bombing Iran.

"We have the biggest military force in the world," Cheney cried out. "We can do any thing we want! Nobody can stop us!" Cheney yelled, as he waved his hands over his head. "We must continue to spend trillions of dollars for an unending war to conquer the world. We are going to go into Iran, now, dropping a nuclear bomb, annihilating a million innocent men women and children and stealing all of their oil!! Then, we will go on to conquer the rest of the world!" he screamed.

However, nobody was watching Cheney's press conference, because they were all watching Ben Bernanke, as he announced the latest failed approach from keeping the US economy from descending into total collapse.

The bursting of the housing bubble, the collapse of the subprime mortgage market, the credit crisis, tightening lending standards, waves of defaults, bankruptcies and foreclosures, weakness in financials, retailers and homebuilders, stagflation, surging gold, oil and other commodity prices, soaring federal budget deficits and a collapse in the value of the U.S. dollar, has brought American investors to their knees.

As American investors saw their profits evaporate, and as inflation sent their real earnings into the negative numbers, they switched their investments into commodities like oil and wheat...resulting in the spectacle of Americans....during economic hard times... bidding up the cost of their own goods and sevices. This, in turn drastically ramped up inflation, bringing consumer spending to a screaching halt...destroying every effort by the Fed to prop up businesses by lowering interest rates, and bringing about the probability of total economic collapse.

There was a sudden stillness, and a parting of the clouds, and a booming voice from above rang out....

"No You Won't Bomb Iran, and Go On to Conquer the Entire World....."

Disclaimer: Evan Essence does not hold any shares in Exxon-Mobil (XOM), Haliburton Oil (HAL), or the Carlyle Group(KILL). Evan is heavily invested lima beans and lentils futures, and holds a 25% share in the Higgins Fruitfly Farms.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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