Written by Kea Toff
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Topics: Strike, Tree

Sunday, 17 February 2008

image for Tree Strike Fells Logger Efforts

Northwester Tree Coalition stumps local logger teams efforts to operate in a safe manner with an all-out running protest. According to a federal forestry official the problems have just begun to take a toll on the lumber industry. Troy Serf says if the strike continues we could all feel the effects by early summer. The logging industry has been plagued by other problems this year including drought and insect infestation but this may be the axe.

A spokes tree has asked consumers to refrain from buying all wood and paper products until tree coalition demands are met. Woody Tree says "We have done all anybody can expect a tree to do, but no longer will we stand still and do nothing." Avowing to continue the strike Tree barked "Until we have more people, including the loggers hugging us we will move around."

It seems the trees in the forest have become accustomed to the affection given to them by the anti-logging industry. By individual trees gathering together as a group to demand loggers hug them prior to harvesting they hope to receive more love and affection.

George Dahl who has been logging for nearly thirty years makes the comment that he can't see that it would matter one way or the other if he hugs trees prior to felling. He told our investigator on Wednesday that "I ain't going to hung no dang tree. Besides if we give in to the trees demands people will think we're loggerheads". He stated this matter is dead wood as far as he is concerned.

Another lifetime tree cutter, Canis Haw relates to our investigator, "I might be willing to pet the tree, but I feel hugging is going too far. The next thing you know they'll expect us to sing to 'em like weirdos do for their houseplants."

Hoping to avoid any further problems Serf has suggested that petting the tree may be enough to keep peace with the tree coalition. Serf says they may have to hug the trees if the petting concession doesn't work, "Once these trees start running they can go pretty fast, the loggers are having a hard time catching them."

The Northwester Tree Coalition said they will continue to move around and confuse the loggers until a solution is reached. Tree sadly states "This may be a case of where a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it fall."

"It's all the fault of those tree huggers, now we're all going to look like saps", says Canis Haw.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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