Unconfirmed Sources report documents prove Bush wanted high unemployment. Secret files detail an amazingly successful plan called "Staying Home for America to keep Us Safe From Godless Heathens Forever!" Under the plan Bush and his economic team purposely depressed employment to keep people at home where they could defend America from terrorists!
"It is a brilliant plan. A true master stroke!" said one Washington insider. "Who could have guessed that high unemployment is what has kept America safe and strong since 911. We didn't know it but the president gave us an army of 2.5 million people to defend our country."
"Its true." said Karl Rove, who leaked the plan documents. "We knew we needed thousands of people to protect the country from terror so we launched the plan right after 911. Who could have guessed it would be so successful for so long.
Fred Johnson, an unemployed auto worker, said the revelations put things in a whole new light. "Before I heard about the 'Staying Home for American' plan, I was pissed off at the president for letting the economy slide and causing me to get fired. But now I understand and i'm proud to be unemployed! It makes me feel good to know that this last year I've been doing my part for America. My friends and family have been telling me i'm a bum, but now I know i'm a hero!"
Karl Rove went on to explain the even though the secret plan has been exposed the administration has no plans to cancel it. "The plan has worked so well at keeping America safe from terror that we feel we just can't cancel it. We need to Keep people unemployed for America!"