(Papershuffel, SC) In a move sure to cause increased activity on Wall Street tomorrow, FEDEX and UPS announced their merger after closing today.
The new shipping monster company, to be renamed FEDUP, also announced its new government contract, via Haliburton Inc, to deliver President Bush's much anticipated economic stimulus package checks to the American people.
FEDUP's new CEO/CFO, Paris Hilton, said that she is looking forward to giving to the little people. Following United Airline's lead FEDUP also announced an increase in the cost of second packages being sent by the same persons to the same addresses. This move is expected to increase the revenue stream of FEDUP to equal the total value of the economic package.
President Bush, in a further cost cutting move signed a presidential ruling which will allow FEDUP to cash the public's government stimulus checks and send a nice thank you note to the American people