Written by queen mudder
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Topics: London, Earthquake

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

image for Seismologists pissing themselves with laughter as top Israeli diamond geezer buys landfill site £35 million mansion
One born every minute!

Hampstead, North London - (Sad Ass Mess): There's no fool like an old fool. And Lev Leviev, Israel's top diamond geezer, has fallen for the oldest estate agency trick in the world and bought a hideous pile of tacky tat in North London's billionaire's row for a lobotomy-defying £35 million.

Billed as the city's most expensive new-build of 2007/8 the house sits squarely on an acre plot that was once a landfill site housing the corpses of locals during the great influenza epidemic of 1918.

Previously the site was part of a vast marshland that over the years had gradually filled up with effluvia from a vast underground silage tank that had seeped from a nearby sewage processing plant serving the sanitary needs of over half a million Londoners.

Leviev - Russian for 'Lion Man' - is reputedly worth £4 billion after raking in a fortune in what is euphemistically known as conflict diamonds - precious gems traded by Putin-controlled mobster cartels in countries such as Russia, Angola and Namibia.

"Somebody told him that in Kabbalistic terms the mansion is sitting on a seat of vast earth power," the local White Witch of Hampstead Garden Suburb told reporters today.

"And the tosser fell for it. Hook, line and sinker."

Meanwhile the British Seismological Survey has noted that a tectonic plate fault line runs right under Mr Leviev's brand new 100 foot swimming pool in the basement of his £35 million mansion.

"Hopefully there will be no significant tremors in the new future," a BSS source giggled today,

"We think the developer didn't exactly clear the land of all those flu corpses or the silage seeping down south of the M1."

Local journalists believe the property was personally recommended by Lord Levy, ex-protection racket partner of UK Prime Monster Tony Blair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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